To Choose; Cinta Tlah Memilih

I’ve been in my recent job for almost complete two years, passing fantastic phases of wandering around some cities in some Island in Indonesia. Being relocated to some different cities or islands several times in a month or two gave me lot of experiences in business, culture, and travelling.  I’ve got myself many chances to speak in front of hundreds of people giving a speech and training. I was in euphoria of a fresh graduate who got his dream job and doing it like doing my hobby. Yes, travelling is my hobby. Speaking in front of others is also fun for me. However, later on I found myself in comfort zone. I started to question myself. Is this really I want. The answer was not really clear. I love the job but I’m not satisfied with the capacity I have.

 My mind took me to the declaration I had with some friends about studying in higher education. I want to pursue a master degree, a post graduate level. I want to find myself in a very academic atmosphere in one of the big universities in the world. I want to find myself busy with research, bunch of books and journal, discussing with friends while having coffee. The awareness of what I really want lead me to the conflict in myself. I passed the day with thinking and amusing. I went depressed.

 The decision taken, I told my boss that I wanted to quit from the position and go back to Java to be an ordinary trainer without managerial position requiring me to always relocate. I want to stay and focus on preparation. I left the regional manager position and chose relocation back to Malang. A week later, I was in the flight to Bali for long holiday, disconnecting myself with all job stuff. At the same time, my mother got a call from stranger demanding for money because they claimed they have kidnapped me. The condition supported by the fact that my mother couldn’t dial my mobile phone. The day after, when she finally connected to my number, she was crying.

In Bali, I forgot all my doubt. I was totally enjoying the beaches and sun. I spent time to enjoy the tranquil Ubud, visiting galleries, cafes, rice fields, as well as walking the villages’ street and exploring the Ubud market. I found a very worth small guest house that value our money. Sounds like “Eat, Pray and love” huh? Little bit. I enjoyed the breeze coast of Bali as well. Spending the day in Padang-Padang, Labuhan Sait, Balangan, Suluban and exploring the Benoa as well.

I got back to Malang with hard-to-leave-feeling. I’ve considered bali as a home. I got back with the decision to focus on one scholarship which would take me to one of UE country. Starting my job in Malang I pushed myself to increase my TOEFL and started the research proposal. Lucky me, I have many friends who are willing to give their hands, even the one who studies in USA didn’t mind to call my phone assessing my letter of statement. He spent his credit to make a-more-than-hour phone call. Others took their time from their hectic job just to discuss with me. I’m blessed to have them.

When I’ve finally submitted my scholarship application, the other option of my future came. I’ve to choose to continue my scholarship plan or go on with my Bali project. I was very confused with the options. All are good; all are big part of my life. I decided to go back to hometown spending a week with my mother and big family and also spending ten days in Bali. I ended up deciding to go on with my Bali project. It means I’ll start new brand, I make “U-Turn” with bunches of consequences. I cried myself for this decision. A part of me judged me as a betrayal of my own dream. Another part cheered up  that what I’ve decided is a wise decision; life is not about taking a long straight street but we must be ready to make “U-turn”. I was forced to accept that ‘Rome is not only can be reached from Soetta Airport, but it can also be reached from Changi, Svarnabhumi, or even from Delhi’. Perhaps, what I’ve done is going to Rome via Ngurah Rai Airport and having transit in Dubai. Eventually, the destination is Rome.

In the end we have to always choose. Sometimes it’s easy option like picking I-pad from ‘Chinese Pad’ but sometimes it’s like choosing between I-pad 2 and Galaxy note. In my case,I love I-pad but I also want the sophisticated galaxy-note. What make me hard to choose is that I-Pad has no USB port or memory card that I need but it has a shiny apple logo and created by Steve Jobs, one of my favorite figure while galaxy note has the USB port and many compatible devices to connect to other gadgets but has no shiny prestigious logo that I love. We have to choose anyway. So, pick one and continue life!